I'm Still Fey
by BarrelRacer13
Summary: It's easy to forget sometimes that Puck is fey. He's not mortal, and he has no soul. And the fey can be cruel, heartless creatures. While spending so much time in the mortal world, he's a little more "aware" than others, but he's still fey. This is a collection of one-shots where Meghan is reminded that Robin Goodfellow isn't the same as Robbie Goodfell.


It was Elysium again. This was about the 5th one since Meghan became the Iron queen, and even still, it filled her in anxious excitement. This was the only time that she and Ash could see Puck again without having to sneak out of the castle to meet him in the wyldwood. But unknown to them, Puck wasn't entirely feeling himself. It was one of those rare, very rare, occasions when an old memory would surface, one he had long since tried to forget. Not memories of the good times he had, of being fresh and feeling young, back when Shakespeare had caused the old world to flourish with glamour and magic. But rather, memories of mistakes he made, choices he shouldn't have made, people he purposely hurt for no reason, people he lost because of his own do-now-think-later personality. On these days, when his smile seemed forced and his energy seemed to be non-existent, most fey would leave him alone. This was when his temper was more likely to snap, because he often wanted nothing more than to be left alone for a while. Even Oberon would give him his space for the most part. But he still went to Elysium. He had no choice, to be honest. He had promised to be there, the only way out of it was death. And he wasn't ready for that yet.  
He rode in the carriage with Oberon and Titania. Well, more like he sat up front with the driver, looking moodily out at the passing green fields. But it was same carriage. They headed to the winter court, not looking forward to this at all. Puck didn't like the cold too much. It was...cold. But just as they were pulling the gates, so were the Iron fey. Only a few came. Glitch was one of them, marching along side the carriage that probably had Meghan and Ash inside. Once everyone parked and started to get out of their carriages and off their mounts, Puck slid away to try to find Meghan and Ash in the crowd before they got swept off for the beginning of the ceremony. He spotted them only a second before they spotted him. Weaving their way through the crowd, they finally reached each other. Meghan tried to hug Puck, as she normally did, but Puck ducked, and moved away from her. She looked at him, confused, but he only shook his head. He was basically hugging himself, arms wrapped tightly around him. Ash frowned at him, but Puck avoided eye contact.  
"Whats wrong?" Meghan asked quietly as they made their way slowly inside.  
"Later. Not now." Puck sighed, an uncharacteristically depressed sigh. Ash and Meghan exchanged a glance, but didn't push it.

Puck paid no attention to the ceremony. He had seen it happen enough times, he could probably say the whole thing backwards in his sleep. He stood in his place to the right of Oberon, as he did every year. He watched the summer nymph shatter and fall apart. How many nymphs had he seen fall like that? Ripped away by the cold grip of winter? How many nymphs had he himself caused to die, when he toyed with them outside of the Nevernever, teasing them and allowing them to feel special with him, only to find out he had toyed with several other nymphs within the same forest, all within days, sometimes hours, of each other? Sometimes not even nymphs. He would chase after mortals too. How many had he caused to die of a broken heart, just so he could find some relief and amusement? He tried to tell himself that they had been over dramatic. But he knew better. Countless stories had been told of girls dying of broken hearts, caused by a male's selfish needs and longing and lust. But sometimes, he just couldn't help it. And he still did those thing, up to the present time. In fact, not long after he found out that Meghan didn't love the way he did to her, right after she had kissed him and given him that false spark of hope, he had gone out and found a pretty little nymph, hoping that maybe she would ease his heart ache, but it did nothing but pass the pain on. And the same thing happened on Ash and Meghan's wedding night.  
He wasn't proud of the part of him to felt the need to ruin people like that. But you can't fight against your nature. He learned that a long time ago, when Oberon had tried to punish him for going after some off-limited princess in the mortal world. Apparently, she had been the daughter of Titania. Oberon tried to keep him 'leashed', but quickly got annoyed and tired of constant chattering, complaining, cawing, and beating of wings. That was several centuries ago.  
Puck was so lost in his thoughts, that he didn't notice the ceremony end until Ash cuffed him on the back of the head. He grunted, and startled back into reality.  
"What was that for?" He grumbled.  
"We've been standing here for a while, trying to get your attention, and you didn't do anything." Meghan shrugged. "So whats wrong?"  
"Just wondering when the lines of that riddle will change." Puck sighed.  
"What riddle?" She tilted her head slightly, looking at him with confusion written all over her face.  
"Ask Ash."  
She looked at Ash, while he looked at Puck, both confused. Then he seemed to get it.  
"The one from the sphinxes?"  
Puck nodded.  
"It probably already changed. We know the answers, so they're gone now."  
"No they aren't. Maybe the riddle changed, but that doesn't mean the answers changed."  
"If the riddle is different, then the answer should be different."

"Memories leaves scars that do not heal." Puck stated. "Have your scars healed yet?"  
Ash was quiet.  
"Regret is a fire that burns inside." Puck recited. "That fire is still burning." He sighed, and closed his eyes, leaning back against a chair. "And the scars haven't faded either."  
Ash looked uncertain for a minute before saying, "One of the trails for my soul...He made me remember every horrible thing I've done...I think it's made it easier to move on from them."  
Puck opened one green eye and looked at him. "Being older then you probably means I've done more horrible things than you. While I probably do have another century and a half to remember them all, I'd much rather forget them with a few bottles of wine."  
"That doesn't make you forget them." Meghan pointed out. "All it does is push them back for a while."  
"Maybe that's the whole plan. Just keep pushing them back until the end of time." Puck shrugged. "I can't make myself remember them all. Not without purposely throwing myself into the unknown parts of the Nevernever in hopes of being eaten by something."  
"What have you done that's so bad?" She challenged, crossing her arms over her chest.  
Puck just looked at her sadly and shook his head. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?"  
"Because I won't." Puck shrugged again. "I don't want to remember any of it."  
"It's just going to keep getting worse."  
"Then let it. There's always more wine in the cellar."  
"You can't just drink yourself away from your past!"  
"Says who!? You aren't my queen, and I have no reason to do as you say!" Puck snapped at her, eyes flashing before he turned and stormed away.  
Meghan tried to go after him, but Ash grabbed her shoulder.  
"Leave him. Let him cool down for a while before he ends up losing his temper and adding another regret to his list." He said to her quietly, before leading her in the opposite direction. "He used to have days like this back when it was just me and him hunting the in the wyldwood. And even when it was me, him, and Ariella. Days when it's best to just leave him be."  
"I feel bad though. He looks miserable." Meghan sighed.  
"He'll be fine."

The two of them wandered off a little to eat and dance, but Meghan wasn't very into it anymore. She was worried about Puck. She saw him once, when Ash spun her around. He had been pouring a glass of faerie wine. What number glass it was, she didn't know. But she wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't his first. Eventually, they went to go find him. They found him next to Oberon, standing there quietly, as if he was just Oberon's shadow.  
"Puck." Meghan called his name, and he looked up, pinpointing her right away. She motioned for him to follow, he broke away from the royals with a sigh, following Ash and Meghan out of the court room and to Ash's old bedroom. It was empty now, and a thick layer of frost lay over everything. Although, Puck was pretty sure that all of the winter court was covered in frost.  
He sat on Ash's bed, wrapping his arms around himself. "You guys really need to learn what a fireplace is and what it's supposed to do. It's freezing in here."  
"Winter isn't meant to be warm." Ash pointed out.  
"I've been to several warm places in the winter. And, even in the cold places, the people at least have a fire going." Puck shivered.  
"We're not in here to argue about fire places and the cold." Meghan pointed out, looking to Puck. "We're in here to help you."  
Puck groaned. "I don't need help."  
"Yes you do. Just a little, at least. A brief summery of whats bothering you. It will help." She almost said 'I promise' but caught herself. While he may be her friend, she didn't want to risk him holding that promise against her.  
"I don't want to. My problems are my own."  
"It's Ariella, isn't it." Ash stated, and Puck winced. "That's one of your 'problems'. You're still hurt over everything that happened with her."  
"And you aren't?"  
"I am. But I managed to make peace with myself about it." He sat on Puck's other side. Meghan decided to cut herself out of the conversation for a while. This might be one of those rare occasions that the boys help each other without trying to kill each other before or after. Hopefully.  
"Only because you can still have a piece of her." Puck muttered bitterly, leaning back against the wall and glaring at the floor. "I got to watch her die, lose both of you, and then lose her again when she came back. She didn't forgive me for what I did."  
"Of course she did-"  
"She never said the words! She never told me that she forgave me...Not that it would've mattered, because it WAS my fault, but she was never the same towards me that used to be. I caused her to the die the first time. I caused you to swear to kill me."  
Ash hesitated a moment, before patting Puck's shoulder. A very rare sign of brotherly affection that Meghan would probably never see again between the two. Next time, it would probably be with a stick or a sword, and end with her have to patch them both up.

"I don't think she blamed you. I think she just didn't want to bring it up."  
"She didn't bring it up. I did. And she found a way to change the subject before I even had the chance to catch onto it."  
"She never held grudges, Goodfellow." Ash sighed. "I've pretty much forgiven you. That's one step forward, right?"  
"Hm."  
"What else is there? Any other recent regrets?"  
"More than I feel the need to share."  
"One more?"  
"No."  
"Robin."  
"Ash."  
"You're incredibly annoying."  
"So I've been told."

Ash sighed, and shook his head, glancing at Puck. The Summer jester had his eyes closed, arms still wrapped around himself. He studied him for a few minutes, taking in every strength and weakness he could see from his posture, and combining it with what he already knew. A long time ago, when he used to go into the wyldwood to hunt with Puck, just the two of them, they had learned each other's moved and personalities so well, that they could basically read each other like a book. Over the years, after the accident, it got harder to. But during the time when it was him, Puck, and Meghan looking for a way to stop the Iron fey from killing off the Nevernever, it had begun to get easier again.  
"I think I know what's bugging you." He said after a few minutes. "Or at least, part of whats bothering you."  
Puck rose an eye brow at his comment, but didn't open his eyes.  
"You've been alone for so long, that you no longer care who your company is. And you're willing to do almost anything just to have someone there for a night or two."  
Puck's lack of response was enough. He knew he got it right. Meghan gave him a questioning look, but he only gave her a small smirk and shook his head. "Lets just say that regret can burn as hot as longing. And sometimes hotter."  
"Regret is a fire that burns inside." Puck sighed.

**((A/N: Well, that was a completely pointless one shot. I got a bit of writers block at the end. I couldn't think of a good way for them to figure out what some of the things Puck regrets were. **  
**I do not own any of the characters. **  
**I will probably make another shot little one-shot about Puck, because he was the main reason I read the books {I'm not done yet, I'm on The Lost Prince, but whatever.}))**


End file.
